Life · Story

The One Where I Panic About June 10th

June 10th. June 10th is going to be the day that my life changes. June 10th is going to be the last time that I leave the place that I’ve called home for the last 4 years. There were ups. God knows there was a lot of downs, haha. But North Central has been a comfort and a constant these last 4 years.

As some may know, I am a Senior in college and the impending doom of graduation is creeping up on me fast. June 10th. I say it to myself like a mantra. June 10th. 120 days till I’m expected to be an adult. Like WHAT! EXCUSE ME!? I’m supposed to do what now?! I can barely remember to clean my dishes and turn off lights sometimes. And now I’m expected to become a supporting member of society. Wasn’t it just last week I was watching Disney movies? … oh wait…it was… SORRY NOT SORRY.

When I say I’m panicking, everyone has been so quick to tell me that there is no reason to panic. But let me fill you in on why there is reason to panic.

-There’s only 120 days left.

120 days to apparently finish these 2 classes this term and 3 next term. That’s not a lot of time.

-I’m expected to have my future planned.

Dude, I don’t even know what I’m doing after work on Saturday. And yet I’m supposed to have my life figured out 4 months from now.

-I don’t have a clear distinction into where I’m going.

There are a lot of unanswered questions on who and what and where. And it all plays a role into how I plan my future.

-Did I mention it’s only 4 months away?

…Oh yeah, I did.

-Am I really prepared?

I read job descriptions and I’m scared wondering if I am really qualified. Do I know as much as I need to know? Is the world as scary as I think it is? It’s just scary wondering if I’m being too ambitious.

All of this is running through my head daily. I am constantly wondering what I need to be doing and then I scare myself into just watching Netflix or something, haha.

One of my best friends said something very relevant to how I’ve been feeling lately. She told me how her and another friend were discussing high school versus college. The 3 of us have been friends since high school so we all know how it was for each other. She brought up a very good point how in high school: socially, it sucked. It sucked ass. Sometimes more than others. And academics were very easy. It came naturally. Fast forward to college and now it’s flipped. Socially, it’s amazing! I have met some lifelong friends and turned 21 while in college! The drunk stories are endless and timeless. Academics on the other hand…are a pain in the ass. But that’s some of the beauty of college.

I don’t remember being that excited for high school graduation. But I am so FRICKING excited for college graduation! And I think it is because I feel like I really deserve this. Going to college was a choice and I have worked my ass off for the last 4 years to get to where I am. There were some really tough times and some really good times. I’ve lost friends but I have also made some beautiful ones.

So, yeah. I may be panicked. But I have some reasons to be. But I also have so many reasons to be so excited. 120 days. June 10th.

I CAN DO THIS!

 

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